The Problem with sin

The Pastor of our church, Alan Clark, preached a sermon this past Sunday that was very uncomfortable to hear.  For me, it was in words what has been happening in my life since late last year.  Through the words of many men wiser than myself, I came to realize that I was leading a life that was thick with sin and denial.  I can’t begin to list the ways in which this had affected my life, my marriage, and my ministry.

I had total rationalized my sin and turned myself from a sinner in need of grace to a burden bearer saving the emotions and feelings of those closest to me by “covering up” my sin.  Basically my reasons were these:

1) If I don’t tell anyone then they won’t get hurt.

I had turned myself into a hero of some sort, the emotional savior of my wife chiefly, but also those who relied on me.  Why disappoint people who look up to me and value my spiritual position? I had the fake hate of sin all down, pretending like I was “getting real” when I was the farthest from it.

2) It will only hurt the others involved in my ministry.

The thing most young pastors miss is that the Holy Spirit as well as the Father himself HATE sin.  Without the humility of a broken spirit, God cannot move in your ministry.  As Francis Chan tells it, we can build a pretty good church without consulting the Holy Spirit at all, and that was my goal.  The biggest problem is that there was a void in all I did.  Our young adults and our worship just wasn’t getting deeper spiritually in two years and I was frustrated.  No matter what we tried, it just felt empty.  This, I believe, was a direct result of the sin in my life.

I had this moment when I realized that all of the reasons I had made up to be so valid were a direct lie from the devil.  Anything I did to convince others that I was sinless only resulting in making God out to be a liar and “showing that His word has no place in our hearts(1 John 1:10).”  That’s when I came clean.  First to my wife, then my pastor and a group of men in our church.  This was the most freeing and enriching thing I’ve ever done and my growth has spilled out onto others, changing our church in the process.  If you are living as I once lived, respond as I did and humble yourself not just before God but also those closest to you who care.  In this vulnerability, you will gain more trust than you ever could in your deception.

How am I not myself?

Have you ever asked the question, “Who am I?”  Did you ever feel like you wanted so badly to be known for something and yet somehow behave in a way that would be the opposite?  These are the questions we ask ourselves when we are in search of identity.  Right now you might be thinking to yourself, “I don’t struggle with that,” or “I know exactly who I am.”  I wonder if we really ever try to find out what we are identified with.

For many people, identity comes from a relationship, as in, I’m so and so’s husband, or in a job, like I’m the worship leader at such and such church.  These people try to associate themselves with something fun or good or successful or impressive.  Ask yourself this, when you meet someone for the first time, how do you explain who you are?  If we are honest, most of us point out the good things in our lives and omit the embarrassing or bad things; it’s human nature.  We have a need to be accepted and, therefore, gain some kind of respect or esteem from our fellow humans.

For Christians, this doesn’t jive with scripture.  Jesus himself said, “if you’ve seen me you’ve seen the Father…(John 14:8)”  The identity of Jesus was completely tied up in His relationship with the Father.  We want badly to have independence, but Paul tells us that although we are a people of many talents and gifts, we make up one body (1 Cor. 12).  So the question remains, what identifies you?  When asked, “Who are you?” Do you respond with who you think you are or whose you are?

This is Tragic…

Nashville is beginning to resemble a national disaster area.  The Cumberland River is overflowing and there is a good chance that this will all get a lot worse before it gets better.  If you read this and you’re not from Nashville, understand that this is possibly the worst natural disaster that has ever hit this part of TN.  Please give if you can and above all, pray for our city.

Sunday, Rainy Sunday

It’s the end of the world in Nashville, TN today and we’re stuck inside watching the weather.  Altogether, it’s pretty relaxing even though half the city is underwater.  We got lucky today, and our neighborhood is above sea level.  Megan and I have been glued to the news and weather and twitter feeds all day.  It’s almost like Megan said today, “I’ve never seen a flood before, I kinda want to.” I can’t imagine being out of a home and having to replace all of our things.  I even thought it would be great if we had a sea-doo or a boat so we could come to the rescue for those who didn’t get lucky like us.  I guess distanced sympathy is all I can give today.  May God give us the avenue to help others in our own city and the perspective to see the importance in giving aid.